Saying Goodbye

Honestly, I'm not even sure how to compose this post. Last Friday night, a week ago today, we said a final goodbye to our sweet dog, Emma. This whole blog started out as a silly dairy of sorts all about Emma. It's so heartbreaking that her story ended this way. 

We rescued Emma from the Savannah Humane Society in August of 2010. She was a puppy and so tiny and small. I remember going to look at the dogs at the Humane Society with the intent to adopt an older dog. We passed by Emma who was this teeny tiny thing, shrinking back in the corner of this large run. Miguel was the one who took to her first. I was hesitant because she was skittish of us and we hadn't wanted to bring a puppy home. Miguel talked me into choosing Emma - which wasn't very hard, because, hello PUPPY! 

Emma ended up being a real Godsend for me in many ways. Shortly after we adopted her I went into a real funk and depression. Emma was such a healthy thing for me while I was struggling with my place in the world, my identity, and learning to be in a new stage of life. She was a great outlet for me and our little adventures together helped give me something to focus on. You just need to go back to the beginnings of this blog to see what a big part of my daily life Emma was. 

The Humane Society had told us Emma was a black lab puppy, but she clearly never grew into that. She had a lot of terrier in her and liked to bark, dig, and do other terrier-like things. So some of that played into her obnoxious behavior and she always was a mess in the car. However, what I think really set her off was when our home was burglarized a few years back. Both Miguel and I were at work when it happened, and we don't know what happened to the dogs while we were gone. Emma ran away during the burglary and was later found and taken to the Humane Society. She's never been the same since that day. 

Over the years Emma's behavior became more and more neurotic and unpredictable. She became more and more anxious and nervous. About two years ago she began randomly jumping up from a peaceful sleep and attacking our other dog, Jack. It was scary and unprovoked. Emma had never been aggressive towards Olivia, but I began to worry that Olivia would get caught in the crosshairs of a random attack on Jack. She would also nip at Jack when the mailman came or someone walked down the street. It got worse with time. 

Alarm bells started going off in my head about Emma possibly hurting Olivia. About a year ago I reached out to various shelters and rescues and was turned down at everyone. Many actually gave me not so nice responses and told me Emma was acting out due to us having children and that becoming parents and having kids in the home wasn't a good enough reason to rehome a dog. If our situation had been as simple as wanting to rehome the dogs simply due to having kids, then that would be different. I was super discouraged and we tried other things to help control Emma's behavior including homeopathic remedies and a bark collar. 

Once I became pregnant with Juliet, and Olivia became more and more mobile and active, I felt really strongly about needing to do something about Emma again. I was just so scared she'd hurt our girls. We began working with our vet and tried various medications to help Emma. I kept thinking Emma was starting to do better, but then the medications seemed to stop having an effect. We upped the dosages to their max points and still we had no positive, lasting results. 

At the beginning of the year we started to actively look to rehome the dogs again. I just couldn't take the stress and constant worry that Emma may just "snap" at any given point.  I posted on Facebook looking for help and received a lot of negative feedback and judgement. Shelters and rescues again wouldn't take Emma due to her history of aggression. We ended up finding a home for Jack and having him out of the house actually seemed to help with Emma! I became really hopeful that by simply removing the other dog in the family that it had given Emma some sense of peace. 

But a week ago today all my fears came true. The day was wrapping up and we were waiting on Miguel to get home from work. Emma was napping on the floor and Olivia was calmly playing. Olivia passed by Emma, who was sleeping about a yard away, to take a book of the bookshelf. Emma jumped up out of nowhere and straight up bit Olivia in the face. Olivia fell backwards and hit the ground. Emma backed off almost immediately, as if she was surprised at what had just happened. I jumped up instantly. Olivia was doing a silent cry and held her hand over her eye. Pulling her hand off of her face was honestly one of the scariest moments of my life. I was so scared of what damage I was going to find.  Thank the Lord that the bite missed her eye!! She hardly cut the skin too. I'm so so  so grateful that Olivia wasn't more badly hurt. 

I put Emma on the screened porch and called our vet. I was in tears and shaking. I was so so upset about what had happened to Olivia, but also so sad about what this meant. After speaking with our vet, he agreed that we had exhausted all our options and we knew what we probably needed to do. He actually suggested we sleep on the decision, but I couldn't bring Emma back in the house in good conscious and the thought of having Emma here knowing what was going to happen in the morning was unbearable. 

Miguel got home and immediately took Emma to be put down. I have no memory of ever crying so hard. It was just so sad that this is how her story ended. I loved that dog. She annoyed me a lot and was an inconvenience, but she generally had a really sweet temperament and I felt like she had really been there for me during a hard time in my life. It may seem trivial to some that I felt so heartbroken about losing Emma, but I don't know a time where I have felt so sad. I felt like we had somehow let her down and I hated knowing what was going to happen and she had no idea. It was the worst thing ever. I sobbed - like ugly cried hard - for hours. 

End of the day, Emma was broken. Something had just snapped along the way. Our girls are more important and we could never put them in harms way. We honestly probably prolonged the inevitable for too long. I will never fully forgive myself that Olivia got hurt when we had imagined this as a possibility. We keep telling Olivia that "Emma is with Jesus". It's so sad but I hope she's happy now and no longer broken and that she is chasing squirrels. 

Emma Demma Do 

May 2010 - February 2018

(This is the blog post I wrote about the day we brought her home)

Juliet 4 Months!

Juliet Rose, you are FOUR months old today!! I really tried to soak up every moment over the past four months because I know how fast it really goes this time around! But even though I tried to be really intentional with living in the moment, I still feel like the last months have FLOWN by! You have grown so much and your personality is really starting to shine through! It is SO much fun watching you grow and see that personality come forward! 

You are an extremely chill and easy kid still. I'm really grateful because your sister is the of epitome of 2 and very wild. You rarely get fussy and when you cry with consistency then something is really upsetting you. You like your paci and that is awesome! It's such an easy way to calm you down. 

You're a happy and content little girl and I of course try to take a billion photos of you. Most of the time, however, when I pull out my phone you zero in on it and either look very concerned or very intent. It's been difficult to catch your adorable smile on camera, pumpkin! 

Still have those blue eyes girlie!

You're now sleeping in the nursery in your crib. It's been great having our room back to ourselves and you're doing really well in your crib. I love walking in to get you from your naps and you're laying there, a little bitty baby burrito in your swaddle and you look so small in your crib. You smile up at me and I feel a little burst of joy. You're always really happy to be unswaddled and picked up. I love that you wake up so happy. Olivia really likes to "help" put you down for naps and "help" wake you up. You're a really good sport with it all. 

Now that you're sleeping in your crib, we've been doing a very flexible version of the Moms On Call schedule. It's been nice having you on a routine and it's glorious when both you and Olivia end up napping at the same time. But, it's also so super sweet when it's just you and me and we get to hang out. I love my JuJu-only time too. 

Part of your nighttime routine is giving you a quick bath each night. You really love your bath. I sing you a song while I undress you for the tub and you laugh and smile every night. You splish and splash and make happy little sounds each night too. Ah, you're so cute, baby girl!

You've started having small stretches in the Bumbo and I think you are enjoying the new ability to sit up assisted. You're gaining more and more control of your hands and fingers and can grab on to some things with more intentionality. You are also so very close to rolling over from your back to your belly. That pesky arm just gets in the way. 

You adore your older sister and she gets the most laughs out of you by far. I hope your relationship continues to be sweet and that you guys grow up being best friends! 

Daddy is one of your absolute favorite people and you do this coy flirting thing with him and give him lots of smiles. I really need to try and get it on camera! 

You have started being able to make noises and try your hardest to copy daddy making this "ptfffff" noise with your lips. I think you're very proud of your achievement. Olivia enjoys making the sound back at you, so you get plenty of practice in each day. 

I weighed you this morning and you are at an even 13 pounds. Your nails grow crazy, crazy fast and it's definitely a challenge to get you to hold still long enough to let me clip them without cutting you. You are teething with lots of drool and are always wanting your fist in your mouth, which has added to the nail-cutting challenge. 

Oh pumpkin pie, my heart is so full and at it's absolute bursting point. I love you so much and words never adequately express my love for you and your sister. You are such a joy! It's been such a fun 4 months and each and every day with you is such a wonderful gift! Happy 4 months JuJu!

Juliet 3 Months!

JuJu bug! You're three months old! I'm sorry I am very late in posting this blog! I had started writing one a while ago, but the website didn't save my draft! Boo! So here I am starting again and am trying to remember everything that was specific to you between 2 and 3 months. In truth you've had some big achievements since you've turned 3 months, so I'll have to save those for the next blog. 

Let's see... during your third month you celebrated your very first Christmas! 

You did well with meeting Santa. You're still pretty small and really had no idea who was holding you. But no tears = two thumbs up!

We went home to Atlanta to spend the holiday with family (you've already traveled so much in your short life with a couple of trips to Atlanta and one to Florida).

We spent Christmas Eve with the Abby and Papa. I can't wait till you're old enough to enjoy the traditional Cuban meal we have! I think you'll probably be a big fan of the black beans just like your sister! You slept your way through the day for the most part, but were pretty fascinated with the fire on the tv that we were playing while we opened presents. 

Christmas day we spent at Lolly and G-Daddy's house where Santa had left you some goodies since you were so nice!

Charlotte and you both got to experience your very first Christmas together! 

One of my favorite holiday traditions is our family table cloth. Each person present at Christmas dinner gets to sign and date the table cloth. When a new baby joins the family we use ink to make a handprint as their signature. This year we happily added yours! 

You started talking more and more and smiling more often and there is nothing cuter! This is the most fun part after weeks of long nights with little 'reward'. It's so wonderful to hear your sweet coos and see your face light up with a smile. 

By happy circumstance we captured your very first laugh on video! Daddy made you laugh when yall were singing patty cake!

You also experienced your first snowfall this month! We briefly took you outside (very bundled up) to "see" the snow and you weren't very impressed. Who knows the next time it will snow here in Savannah? But I'm thinking the next time it does you'll be more excited! 

You're still a champion nurser and are weighing in at 12 pounds and 14 ounces! You're in size 2 diapers and are my little chunky monkey! I'm so grateful you're such a wonderful eater as I think it helps you sleep. Again, compared to your sister before you, you sleep soooo well. Thank you, baby girl! 

Olivia is still really enjoying you and it's pretty precious watching the two of you together. You sleep in a little bit later than Olivia in the morning. Olivia always gets really excited when you wake up and  likes to "help" get you. It's pretty precious and I love that she is excited about having a little sister. She still helps with diaper changes and likes to "read" to you - which consists of mostly showing you the pictures. 

It can be pretty hazardous being a little sister, but you're a good sport! Olivia enjoys showering you with kisses, but also likes to shove your paci in you mouth, decorate you with stickers, and even shared her training potty with you one day! Not to mention over Christmas when we found she had given you a knife... (it was a decorative butter knife, but still!). 

Olivia for the most part has been a super champ with learning to share mommy and daddy and her space, not showing any signs of the pre-warned regression at all!

... I mean, okay, maybe she's doing this a little teeny bit... 😜

Mommy and Daddy are so enjoying the time we get to spend with just you. You are so easy and laid back (unlike your very demanding sister) that we try to make a point of getting some Juliet-only time when your sister isn't around. It's amazing to just sit back and soak you up. It's amazing how a mamma's heart can expand when a new baby is born! 

This is one of my all time favorite photos of you so far! Passed out safely and happily in your daddy's arms!

Hmm, what else is new this month? Well, you've started spending more and more time on your play gym and have perfected rolling over from your belly to your back. 

Somewhere along the line we started calling you by the nickname JuJu. Baby JuJu, JuJu Bug, JuJu Bean, etc. Up until now I'm pretty sure that Olivia thought your name was strictly "baby", but now she's started calling you "baby choo choo". It's pretty stinkin' adorable!

Oh sweet, sweet pumpkin, we love you so much! Every month is better than the next and I love getting to know you more and more! I'll say it again, and keep saying it forever and ever... I'm so glad you're here and a part of our family!!! Can't imagine our lives without you in it! Happy 3 Months baby girl! XOXO